Once Again....

Once upon a time I tried to keep a blog, but it's been out of date awhile. I come to this new page at the same time I feel I am coming to a new stage in my life. A minor change in the grand scheme of things, I suppose but....

I am at a loss as to describe how I am feeling, right at this moment. I am happy, because I now have time off, after having rubbed my soul raw from working too hard for too long without a true break. I am happy because I have the house to myself today, and I am learning to use the bus system where I live, and I may have enough money this year to go to a Ren Faire and actually buy some of the pretty objects I normally covet there. I am happy because I will finally have time to organize myself, my objects, and my thoughts. I am happy that I will have time and inclination to write and create and enjoy a new sense of beauty and freedom. I am happy because the miasma of anger, resentfulness, depression, and spite that has colored my spirit and tainted my relationships for the last several months is finally lifting.

But I still come to this post with a heavy heart. My relationships seem to be dissolving around the edges, and I'm not sure if they will disappear altogether or simply change shape. One of my best friends ever leaves for Japan in a mere three days, and a million goodbyes and well-wishes and a I-promise-I'll-call/write-yous will not make the pain of her going any less. What can I do? What can I say? I wish you all the best, my darling, I hope that you find Japan to be everything you dreamed, that you meet your lovely Japanese boy and fall madly in love and get married and become wildly wealthy and successful. But for now I will only be able to touch you through a computer. I will not be able to put my arms around you, or smell your hair, or cuddle with you during a roleplaying session -- none of the hundred wonderful touchy-feelie sister/friend things that have been so easy with you from day one. And you will not go alone, for Kia will follow you there in a year, and then I will have lost both of you to the other side of the world, with no knowing how anything will turn out or if I will ever see the two of you in person again.

And yesterday morning, my uncle John died.

Grief, freedom, joy, sorrow, anger, release.... I'm not used to feeling such a strange melange of emotions at once.

I think it leaves me feeling...contemplative.

Well, so much for my first post. A bit mixed I suppose. Scribe, I love and adore you and wish you the best, and expect to hear from you CONSTANTLY, seeing as how I have joined the very same blogsphere that you have. We can write alternating roleplays on this thing you know. *G* Hello cousin Willow, if you read this! I would like to get to know you a bit better. If you have any time while you're state-side, give me a call or a visit. Hugs and love to all my friends and family, you ought to know who this is. *G*

@}~'~~,~~~~~~~Thistle